Finding connection in all the wrong/right places.

When my son asked if I would be interested in visiting an amusement park with some friends of ours, I really didn't want to go. To me, amusement parks feel so fake and lack connection with the natural world that I so crave. I have disliked amusement parks so much in fact that my son at age 15 had never visited one. Never felt the thrill of roaring down a hill on a roller coaster or splashing into the water at the bottom of a flume ride.

As much as my son pushed to go, I pushed back with a million reasons why we shouldn't. The heat, the crowds, the bad food, the corrals of people waiting forever to board a ride. Ugh! No, no, no, I exclaimed! I wanted Ryan to see it my way, to understand my thinking and agree that we should just stay home and avoid the whole very bad scene.

But Ryan was not to be dissuaded and after a bit, I came to understand how important the trip was to him. Even though I didn't agree with his thinking and even though I really hated the thought of spending the day at a place that went totally against how I like to spend my time, I relented.

The day before the trip, as I complained to my mom about the amusement park, she offhandedly suggested I take my camera, thinking I might want to shoot something interesting for my blog in one of the many small towns along the way. While I didn't see anything worth photographing along the way I did began to photograph my son and his friends enjoying the rides at the park. After a bit, as I reviewed each shot after I took it, one thing began to stick out in the photos time and time again. Ryan's smile. His big, authentic, full of happiness smile.

In that moment, something shifted within me and suddenly all of Ryan's smiles were worth so much more than anything I could have accomplished by staying home. Making him happy by giving up something of myself felt so good and reminded me of the fact that life isn't about getting what you want but about giving up some of what you want in order to find deep connection with another. That hanging in there and finding your way through a disagreement or tough situation can bring something unexpected and incredibly meaningful.

Remembering My Brother Erik, 11/5/63 - 8/19/08

In the rising of the sun and in its going down, we remember them.

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, we remember them.

In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them.

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, we remember them.

In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn, we remember them.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them.

When we have joys we yearn to share, we remember them.

So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.

~Ronald B. Gittelsohn

Dakota's Summer Morning...

Just as the sun was cresting over the horizon, bringing forth brand new possibilities for this day, my dog Dakota and I were out taking our morning walk. Easing our minds into thinking about how we wanted to spend this morning, her with thoughts of a rest upon return home, me with thoughts of how to settle my mind after a month filled with orchestrating a move to my new home.

After breakfast, Dakota settled upon the couch in the living room, me in the family room. Dog bowl filled at the ready for her, coffee cup in hand for me.

As I watched Dakota beginning to let her day unfold, resting upon the couch, it dawned on me that I should do the same. Just let things happen as they should and not try to force or figure out how best to spend the day.

Taking cues from Dakota, I decided to watch the world go by.

Let the sun play upon my face.

Wonder about things.

Investigate from an armchair.

Take it easy,

And just be. What will this day bring I wonder?

Raspberries...a Sense of Taste

Raspberries,

Sweet taste of a Midwestern summer.

Transports me right back to my Grandmother's cottage.

Barefoot, running along the side yard to the water's edge.

Collecting Petoskey stones.

Slumbering in the sun on the dock,

Cousins and siblings by my side.

I can taste the feeling of "up north" Michigan,

of summers oh so long ago.

Simpler time, bonfires and fireflies,

Lighting up the night, my life.

Rootedness, connectedness, family, community.

Circle of life, coming back around.

Different place now, but the taste is just as sweet.

Dog Days of Winter...

Weather Not Fit for Man nor Beast

Morning dawned with a steady delivery of freezing rain, splashing against my kitchen window and casting a gray hue to all my eye could see. Wishing to postpone my time outdoors facing the elements with my Labrador pup, I downed a second cup of coffee, fortifying myself in anticipation of the cold and wet to come.
Nasty, is the word that best describes what I felt as I stepped outside. A cold rain fell upon my shoulders as I quickly adjusted my umbrella with one hand as my dog Dakota strained upon her leash with the other. Slipping and sliding my way to the side yard, I opened the frozen gate and let my pup free. Some branches of a white pine had come down under the weight of the ice and Dakota was curious as to why there were many more sticks than normal for her to chew on.

Walking for both pup and I was made more difficult given the crust of ice upon a layer of snow. Once your foot (or paw) broke through the ice, it tended to cause you to slip as your other foot broke through the ice and repeated the process. Dakota, who loves dashing through the snow, wasn't quite sure what to make of this new way of walking, especially because of the way the ice impeded her progress. She finally worked out a sort of hop, skip system which tended to make her look more like a rabbit than a dog, but moved her about efficiently.
After a brief stay outside, both dog and I decided we had had enough and headed for the gate, ready to embrace the warm and dry interior of the house. Sometimes weather is too bad even for a normally foul weather loving Lab.

Three Gifts I Cherish from 2010...

1) A SENSE OF PLACE

For those that know me, they understand how hard it has been for me to move every 2-5 years over the last 25 years whenever my husband received a job transfer. While it has been nice to experience new places and meet new friends over the years, in my heart I have always wanted a place to call home. A place that reminds my husband of his boyhood home of New Hampshire and me of my native Michigan. Surprisingly, Pennsylvania accomplishes that. It has the progressive attitude of the Northeast, the laid back friendly vibe of the Midwest, and the beautiful hardwood forests of both. Unlike anywhere else I have lived since meeting my husband, this place fits me and everything has clicked here for us. Finally...home...

2) AN EDUCATIONAL MODEL THAT WORKS FOR MY SON

After struggling with public schools and all that is broken with that system for 4 years, and then dealing with a radical unschooling group whose members had different personal and educational values than myself, I have finally found the perfect educational fit for my son. Located on 30 acres, my son's "school" offers up experiential natural learning with the freedom he needs, in a group setting with 20 of his peers. My son attends three full days a week which allows ample time outside of school to explore his other interests.
3) STRONGER RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY SIBLINGS

Like many families today I am sure, my siblings and I went our separate ways when we left home. One of my brothers stayed in Michigan while my other brother and sister left for points west, making it tough to spend much time together. This year, my son Ryan and I were able to visit my brother Kirk and that time together went a long way toward renewing our relationship for me. Since that time, we have had the opportunity to talk via phone on a regular basis which I love! My sister and I are also starting to take the time needed to become closer as well and I hope we can get together sometime in the next year.

I have a huge sense of gratitude for everything that has come my way this year and I hope 2010 has brought you some special gifts as well...

Turning Back the Years

I have spent many hours the last several days in my backyard with my 14 year old son Ryan and dog Dakota, sledding and snow boarding down the hill toward the pond below. While I may not be as nimble and coordinated as I once was, I certainly have not forgotten how much fun one can have enjoying something as simple as a hill covered in snow.

After My Own Heart...

I was gone all day today, leaving my 14 year old son home alone to do whatever struck his fancy. At dinner he told me he had read some and worked on his novel some. It wasn't until later when I rounded a corner and happened upon the above scene that I realized how much he is like me. Next to the chair he had piled up his favorite books, the laptop resided on the ottoman, a music player was atop the kitchen counter and the dog bed had been pulled in close. All of his favorite things gathered round, making for a cozy spot to attend to his interests.

Creating Peace...

My minister at my local UU church has been doing a series of sermons on peacemaking to coincide with the UUA's recent adoption of peacemaking as a UU Statement of Conscience. Last Sunday's sermon was on interpersonal peacemaking. How to be peaceful at the local level, with those people in our lives we come in contact with regularly- our family, our friends, our neighbors. My minister suggested that we come to know our neighbors as we know ourselves and that this would heal many of the problems that arise between folks. For when you know someone more intimately, you see their humanness and are able to find common ground.

I agree with my minister on his idea of finding common ground and understanding as a way to strive toward peace with others. What came to mind for me as he was delivering his sermon though is I don't think finding common ground is so simple. Many people carry around their personal agendas like a badge of honor and it is usually the first thing you notice or find out about someone after meeting them. It may be a political affiliation or an environmental stance. The way they believe their children should be educated, a gender or race bias, or a religious belief. These agendas get in the way of dialogue. It can be hard to have meaningful dialogue when each party continually falls back on their agenda rather than looking for common ground.

I feel peace can be created if folks check their agendas when first meeting others and allow a relationship based on the common ground of being human to develop with the focus on living and loving. It then becomes possible to bridge the gap through authentic and caring conversations. This can be a difficult task I know when the person you are coming to know refuses to step back from their positions for just a moment to give peace a chance. Trying to stay present and see the humanness of someone who is pushing their agenda at you while you try and have dialogue or see the good in them can test your will. But this effort is worth it. Putting aside your agenda long enough by example, may cause the other person to do the same and thus cause a bond to form, leading to true peace and compassion. Once this bond is formed, people can then begin to slowly open up and let their true selves be known surrounded with the spirit of love.

I have many friends whom care about me even though we have huge political or religious differences. These friendships were borne out of care for one another first and then respect and understanding as we revealed our true selves to one another. Because we respected one another, we were allowed our differences without an expectation of needing to mend those differences. It can be hard to come to hate someone you have loved just because you later find out they have a different way of seeing the world. Just as we love our children for how they are different from us, this to we can do with our friends and neighbors.

Create peace in your relationships, create peace in this world.

If there is to be peace in the world, there must be peace in the nations.

If there is to be peace in the nations, there must be peace in the cities.

If there is to be peace in the cities, there must be peace between neighbors.

If there is to be peace between neighbors, there must be peace in the home.

If there is to be peace in the home, there must be peace in the hearts.

-From the UU hymnal

Should Dogs be Allowed on Public Trails?

This afternoon I headed out to a local preserve where dogs are allowed off leash in one flat mowed area of the park and on some of the trails. In the rest of the park, dogs are required to be leashed but some people don't follow those rules and consequently many dogs run free on all of the trails. This doesn't appear to be a problem because most everyone who visits this park comes there to run their dog off leash.
But what happens when a non-dog lover visits this park only to be jumped on by an overly friendly dog or worse to be met by an aggressive dog? What if said person has a young child in tow that gets knocked down or steps in a "present" left by a dog. On the other hand, what about the creek beds that suffer from erosion or habitats that are destroyed by loose dogs?

As a dog owner, I want to let my dog be free to run but also want to respect the natural lands we visit. Should dogs be allowed on public trails? For me, the answer would be that we need to set aside a few dog friendly trails in every community and sign them accordingly. This would give dogs a place to visit with other dogs in a free environment while restricting the negative impact dogs could possibly make to just a few of the trails within a natural preserve. It's OK to have rules regarding usage of parks and dogs, just don't make them too restrictive or unfair.

Dogs on Thin Ice

Because dogs don't have a natural fear of thin ice, they may walk out onto it and find themselves in a whole heap of trouble if the ice gives way under their weight. That is why it is suggested you keep your dog on a leash during the winter when walking anywhere near water which may not be sufficiently frozen. This safeguard may save the life of your dog as well as yourself. Both dogs and the humans that have tried to save them have lost their lives when venturing out onto thin ice.
With the pond in our backyard skimmed over with a thin layer of ice, I knew I needed to do something to keep our dog Dakota safe. Rather than restrict Dakota to a short leash, I purchased a length of rope about 40' in length and use it in place of a leash. This gives Dakota almost as much freedom as if she were off leash, yet keeps her safe. We allow her to venture a short distance out onto the ice and when she gets too far out for comfort, we pull her back in.
As you can see from the picture above, the ice was way too thin to support Dakota's fifty pounds today so she spent most of her time breaking the ice and then wading along the shore line. Hopefully soon the ice will be stronger and we won't have to deal with a wet muddy dog on cold winter days.

Wild Kingdom

Samhain- Halloween's early roots...

I may never look at Halloween quite the same again. Sometimes, just understanding how something got started makes it more authentic for me and that authenticity offers up something more real and meaningful.

Today my UU church celebrated the Gaelic festival of Samhain which influenced our modern day Halloween. Samhain is a celebration of the Celtic New Year which begins on November 1st- a time of year when the harvest is finishing up and winter is beginning. During Samhain, which begins on the night of October 31st, the Gaels believed the border between this world and the otherworld to be at its thinnest, which allowed the dead to reach back through the veil separating them from the living.

During Samhain, bonfires were lit and costumes were donned, much like how we celebrate Halloween today. But Samhain differed from Halloween in that it was also a celebration of those who had passed on and was an opportunity to pay respect to one's ancestors, family members, friends and other loved ones who had died.

Celebrating Samhain in church today, we skipped the bonfire and costume part and headed straight to the remembrance of our family members who had passed on. We were asked to bring a memento of our loved one and place it on an altar during a part of the service that reflected on a Native American story about the sacrifice of Rainbow Crow.

Rainbow Crow sacrificed his beautiful song and feathers to save the animals of the world by bringing the warmth of fire to them when they were freezing due to the cold of winter. Rainbow Crow flew up to the heavens to retrieve fire from the creator and the fire charred his feathers black and ruined his melodic voice, resulting in a huge personal sacrifice as he tried to save those he cared for.

Relating Rainbow Crow's sacrifice to the sacrifices made by our loved ones is where the service took on special meaning for me. My minister talked about how those we loved made many sacrifices in their lifetime and that these sacrifices become sacraments when we learn something from them. When we learn to live our life differently because of what our loved ones taught us through their sacrifices, sacrifices become sacraments.

I lost my brother just over two years ago and he would be celebrating his birthday this week if he were still alive. Even without Samhain, I would feel close to him at this time of year. But with the celebration at church today, as I lay his Michigan State shirt upon the altar, I felt especially close to him. I thought of those lessons he brought to me, sometimes at great personal sacrifice to himself, and made a promise to act on those lessons in his honor.

This new way of seeing Halloween, of being made aware of and celebrating Samhain is what I love about the UU church. It stretches me and teaches me and offers up meaning and authenticity where I least expect it. Halloween and this time of year and how I will celebrate it forever more will be changed.

Hey Erik, Michigan State is having a great year! They are 8-1, lost to Iowa today...but you probably already knew that didn't you? Someone commented that they were Michigan fans when they saw me take your shirt off the altar. Michigan, by the way, is having a terrible year :).

A Boy and His Dog

Taming Dakota...How to Prepare for Life with a Labrador Retriever Puppy.

There she is...ready, waiting, deciding whether to jump at me, nibble on me, or run crazily through the house. It is up for grabs really what she ultimately will do. In the face of this, I have decided to take matters into my own hands. Having raised a Lab pup in the past without many boundaries or rules, I understand fully what it is like to live with an untrained dog and I don't want to put myself through it ever again.

In preparation for Dakota's arrival, I rolled up all the rugs and unplugged all of the lamps, tucking the cords up high or behind things- away from small teeth. With the rugs up and away, I made sure to let Dakota out every half hour so she could get with the potty program right away. This plan has worked well for us and after three weeks of training, working up to only being let out once every hour, we are down to about one accident a day. We never hit Dakota or told her "bad dog" when she had an accident. After awhile, she just seemed to know to go outside and has now started to let us know when she has to go by sitting at the door.

Of course, crate training has really helped with the potty training and given us an opportunity to still have some kind of life away from puppy training. I use the crate at night and during the day for her naps. Initially, I only used the crate during the day for an hour at a time, working up to 3 hours max. once I could see she would be comfortable and happy in the crate. I give her a treat each time she goes into the crate and never use it for discipline, though there have been times when I would have loved to put her in there just to have some peace.

Soon after bringing Dakota home, I found Cesar Millan's book called "Cesar's Way" at my local book swap and my entire family ended up reading it. We all loved Cesar's philosophy and it mirrored our feelings about how we wanted to raise Dakota- humanely but also with rules and boundaries. Cesar talks about how most dogs in America are not balanced because they are raised with affection, affection, and affection rather than exercise, rules, and affection. His words made me look back at how I raised my first Lab and see the mistakes I had made. I have now checked all of Cesar's books out of my local library and find them to be excellent sources of information. The titles of the books I have used are found in the picture above.

It can be pretty tough to not baby at new puppy, especially because they are so cute like a small baby is. But in actuality, a 2-3 month old puppy is much like a 2-3 year old child and should be treated accordingly. That means, from the time you bring a puppy home, it is important to start not only potty training it, but also begin to teach it how to properly walk on a leash, learn commands, and begin to socialize with other dogs that have been vaccinated.

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Leash training is not rocket science even though it can feel that way to the person being dragged down the street by an out of control dog. Basically, don't ever let your dog pull on the leash when you walk it. When a dog begins to pull, stop dead like a tree until the dog comes back and there is slack on the leash once again. This may mean several stops and starts over the course of a walk (or even 20 feet), but over the course of three days, your dog will begin to figure out that it isn't going to get anywhere by pulling. This method does differ with what Cesar suggests in his books but seemed to work better for my dog.

Of course, no matter how much training you put forth, puppies still like to make off with shoes and other assorted household things. It is a good idea to keep things up high and constantly supervise young puppies when they are not in their crate. Always remind yourself too that what may seem cute for a puppy to do, won't be so cute when they are full grown. For this reason, I try to keep the rough housing down and the racing through the house to a minimum. Despite my best efforts though, Dakota does seem to get one good romp- ears flying as she slides around the corners- through the house each day.

Here Dakota is at the top of the stairs after having scaled them in a few quick leaps. Just two weeks ago, she could barely climb any stairs which gives you an idea of how quickly puppies learn and grow. I guess that is the most important thing I have discovered about puppies. The easiest time to train them is now. Don't wait. Time is short. By the time they are 8 months old, they are reaching adolescence and won't want to listen to you anymore. Just imagine a teenager without any prior training on how to be civil and that should be convincing enough to spur you to action. Enjoy the ride...