I Broke the Compact

Which of these shoes are not like the others? Which of these shoes doesn't belong? If you guessed the white ones, you are wrong...

The shoes that don't belong are the ones on the right, the newly purchased Birkenstock sandals. They don't belong because I bought them new, while the others in the picture, I obtained used through my local thrift shop.

I joined the Compact at the beginning of this year, vowing to not buy anything new for all of 2010 and I have done great, not bringing anything new into my life up until now. But yesterday, in a weak moment, I caved. Not so much because I felt I had to have a brand new pair of shoes, but more so because I haven't been able to find a pair of sandals I liked used. Each week, I have trucked over to the thrift shop in hopes of finding what I have been looking for but instead I have returned with shoes that don't quite fit the bill.

All I wanted was a simple pair of flat brown sandals. With the weather warming, the need has grown. Was it a real need, one that required me to take resources from the natural world to generate it just for me? I can't answer that. I just know the desire to have them was postponed over several months as I searched for alternatives. The purchase was not made on impulse and was well thought out.

So, yes, I broke the Compact. But I did so in a very well thought out kind of way. Maybe that is the point of the Compact. To really think through our purchases which in turn will vastly reduce the purchases made.

To my credit, all of my clothing purchases for this year have been used. The outfit I wore to my son's college graduation, pairs of shorts, jeans, shirts etc...Even all of my shoes (except for the Birk's above) have been used. To be honest, I didn't think I would ever purchase and wear someone else's shoes, but I have and do.

I must say, I love buying and wearing used clothing. I enjoy the thrill of the hunt and love how my finds are exposing me to new fun ways of dressing that I may not have considered before. I especially feel good on the days when I realize I am wearing an entire outfit comprised of thrift store clothing. Good for me and the planet.

Indiana University Graduation

Where did the time go? Seems just yesterday my son Jimmy was graduating from high school...and now it is college...

Here are my guys...Ryan, Jim and Mike. We all had a great time during our visit to Bloomington. I will post more pictures from my trip as soon as I can.

Looking for an educational model that will work for my son...

I have always maintained that I am perched on a fence somewhere between homeschooling and public schooling, enjoying different parts of each. I've said that parents should look to their child to see what their needs are before determining what sort of educational model to offer. Decide if your child would do best in a structured linear school environment or free flowing homeschooling setting which offers up more freedom. Consider your child's needs rather than your own preconceived notions regarding education. This will ultimately allow for your child to learn in the setting that best works for them.

If only it were so easy. I have spent the last year trying to figure out what sort of educational model would work best for my son in this area, only to come up empty handed. Unfortunately, I am between a rock and a hard place...the rock being traditional public school and the hard place being homeschooling. Neither option, used exclusively, works for my son.

The biggest drawbacks to public school for my 13 year old son are lack of learning choice and the amount of homework given. My son Ryan hates that he is forced to take certain subjects, especially when he is completely disinterested in the topic or feels he already knows what is being taught. I have talked with my son's school counselor and asked if Ryan could take language arts as an independent study class and was told "no, that certain standards need to be maintained". Ryan is frustrated because the time he spends reading books he has no interest in takes away from the time he has available to work on the novel he is writing.

Ryan also hates how he has to read assigned books for school and fill out tedious worksheets on each book, which takes him away from reading books of his own choosing. Also, the amount of homework given each night is nothing more than busy work. Asking a kid to solve 120 algebra problems in an evening, when 20-40 problems would suffice is a bit much. Each night, Ryan is assigned about 2 hours of homework...work that he rushes through, not caring about the quality of it or if it brings about any learning. The goal is to finish, not learn. Public schools, in a desire to increase test scores, tend to think assigning lots of homework accomplishes this goal, when in fact, overloading kids with homework dilutes their interest in learning.

The biggest drawbacks to homeschooling as my son sees it are lack of social opportunities with other teens and lack of learning opportunities based in a classroom setting. Homeschooling as a whole does offer up lots of social opportunities for kids but my son's situation has been a bit different due to his age and the fact that we just recently moved to a new state. It is hard to find homeschooled teenagers when you are new in an area. Many of the homeschooled teens in my area found each other when they were younger and no longer post get togethers on yahoo groups etc..making it hard to break in as a newcomer.

While we did find some teen homeschoolers in this area, there were too few of them to fill out my son's requirements for socialization. That is why we decided to send Ryan to public school in January of this year. We felt it would give Ryan a chance to be around kids his age and also to learn in a classroom setting which he enjoys.

So, we have tried exclusively homeschooling and now exclusively public schooling and have come to the conclusion that neither really works for Ryan. A blend of homeschooling and public schooling is really what would work best for my son. We used this model while living in Illinois and it worked fantastically!! Problem is, the states around NYC don't allow homeschoolers to take classes at the public schools. Many homeschoolers in other parts of the country get around this problem by offering classes in a co-op setting, but there are none in my area at all. Alternative progressive private schools which may work for my son, have tuition's as high as 35K per year. I did find a Waldorf school that was cheaper, but quite a drive from my house.

So, what to do? Again, that rock and a hard place...

I have dumped so much of my energy into trying to make this all work out that I am left exhausted and feeling like I no longer have time to work on my interests...as evidenced by my extreme lack of blogging since moving here last summer.

All day public schooling makes Ryan miserable and so does the loneliness of homeschooling in this area. I just wish my husband's move would happen so we could get away from the rigidity of the schooling laws and lack of homeschoolers in this area. Moving would solve some of our problems, but create others. Because my husband's job should be based in the Northeast going forward, we are seriously considering buying a house in Maine, which allows blending homeschooling and public schooling.

Our Maine house would be our permanent residence no matter where in New England my husband was working. This house would be where we would live out our days and build relationships with those in our community. Ryan and I would settle into this home and Mike would commute home on the weekends. Summers and holidays, Ryan and I could travel between where Mike is based and the Maine house. While living in this manner, away from my husband, may sound difficult, it would only be for a short while until my husband could permanently move to be with us.

I welcome the thought of having a home that wouldn't change just because my husband's job did. After buying and selling five homes in almost 25 years of marriage, the thought of purchasing one last home and committing to an area sounds really, really good.

Well, I have rambled on long enough...searching for solutions...and wondering if I've found one...

Layla Girl...

I am just so glad she got to experience the beach. She was so happy there, running with the other dogs, exploring the water's edge. Happy with her whole body, smiling in her face.

She had come a long way- spending the first two years of her life caged up in a laundry room by day- until her owner decided that was no life for a dog, and gave her to us. She came into our lives with a nasty barking habit, and a desire to run if let out of the yard. But slowly, in our home, she decided she had nothing to bark about and nothing to run from because life with us was pretty good.

In our home she had plenty of playmates, my two sons who doted on and loved her immediately, along with our yellow lab Logan, who has also since passed. But this story isn't so much about what we did for her, but what she did for us.

She showed us how to really love. With her sweet disposition, and ready hugs, she was always there- both when we were at our best and also at our worst. She loved us unconditionally. She always got up to greet us when we walked into the door from being away. When we were at home she followed us throughout the house, from room to room, letting us know being with us was the most important thing in the world to her. If only I could be as good to those I love.

She has been our faithful companion hiking beside us through the foothills of the Appalachians in Georgia, the prairies of Illinois, and the beaches of Long Island Sound. She had a good life and so have we because of what she brought into our lives.

We feel her absense everywhere. A void. We no longer have a dog to walk, to feed, to greet, to hug. Nobody for my son to sleep with. Nobody to eat the scraps of food off the floor. The house is way too quiet...

Last night at dinner my son called to Layla, offering her a scrap of food from his plate, before he caught himself and remembered that she was gone. While it will take awhile to come to terms with our loss, we feel honored to have had her in our lives. Our beautiful Layla girl, she had a great run. May we love better because of her and may the little things in life bring us great joy.

Layla, April 20th, 1999- April 11th, 2010...we will miss her...

Breaking the Law...Outdoor Clothes Drying

How do you like the fancy clothesline I rigged up between my car and some hooks in my garage? Very clever if I must say so myself. Doubt the town selectmen would agree with me though, especially given how clotheslines are unlawful here in my town. Maybe this is what folks mean when they say clotheslines look trashy.

My clothesline in Illinois traveled between my son's playfort and a tree. Now I use a car and the garage. Wonder what other contraptions folks have implemented for the purpose of drying clothing?

Wonder when the cops are going to show up?

Compact 2010...A New Way to Shop

So far so good in my attempt to buy nothing new for all of 2010, even though I have been tempted on a few occasions. These occasions came when I was out shopping with my husband as he picked up essentials he needed for work or with my son as he replaced clothing he had grown out of. On these shopping excursions, I couldn't help but wander off to one of my favorite stores to check out their offerings and in no time at all, I would find myself trying things on in the dressing room or slipping my feet into a new pair of shoes. At these times, I would usually tell myself that I quite possibly did need a new outfit for my son's upcoming college graduation, or that my current jeans were ill-fitting and it would be OK to break the Compact for that reason.

But I didn't break the Compact that I had made with both myself and the earth, and didn't bow to temptation, even when confronted with a pair of Frye boots on sale- something I have been longing to own for several years. Time and time again over the last three months, I have simply walked away, telling myself I could always go back if I really needed to, but never actually doing it.

The walking away was made easier in part because I discovered a real gem in my area- a thrift store that sells wonderful high quality clothing. I have been shopping at thrift stores and garage sales for clothing since my 22 year old son started school and have found many nice things over the years, but never before have I found a store with such a nice selection. Another benefit is that many times the clothing I find at my local thrift store is of a higher quality than what I could find at the mall. On a recent weekend tagging along as my husband shopped for new suits at a local mall, I decided to look for something to wear to my son's graduation. I was dismayed at the flimsy material on a outfit I saw at a J.Jill store and happily found a much nicer outfit the following week at the thrift store. Based on the quality, the thrift store outfit would cost much more new than I would ever consider spending which ultimately allows me to spend less to look better.

The pictures above show just a few of the things I have picked up in the last few weeks. I visit the thrift store once a week to check out their current stock and pick up those things I may need for this season or next winter, expanding my wardrobe without impacting the planet. I find it fun and challenging to shop this way and love the thrill of the hunt. All of the women that work at the thrift shop purchase their clothing there and it is amazing to see the fantastic outfits they come up with. It inspires me to try new and different things myself.

Even though I find it easier to find great outfits at my thrift store here than some of the other stores I have tried in the past, I do know that something essential or unique can be found at any thrift store you try. From cloth napkins to books to furniture....I have found it all at a thrift store. Give it a try...you never know what is going to turn up!

Front Porches and Small Lots Build Community

As the warmer spring weather allows for more time spent outdoors on my front porch once again, I look forward to the daily interactions of my neighbors. As I stand on my porch and look toward the corner, I find myself peering onto a tunnel of porches extending out from each of my neighbor's homes. At times, when the weather beckons everyone outside, it can almost feel like we are all in each other's living rooms- kids running to and fro, the adults talking to one another from across the street or just next door. Sometimes we even have free entertainment when the family across the street throws their windows open wide and sings along to their karaoke machine. A parade of people walking their dogs just steps away on the sidewalk adds to the fun.

I have lived in this neighborhood just nine months and already I know most of the folks up and down the street. It is hard to not know them given how close we live together. We wave hello as we go out to get the mail, walk to town, or come home from an errand. Due to the closeness of our homes, I can even watch their televisions from the window of mine, or listen to their household conversations wafting through their open windows.

I lived in Illinois for five years and only really knew two of my neighbors- a friendly older man from across the street, and the mother of my son's friend. The rest of them I rarely saw, due to larger lot sizes and lack of front porches. Granted, I did see them peering out at me through the windows of their cars as they drove into and out of their attached garages. All my life I have been in search of distance away from neighbors and the privacy that comes with it. But something always seemed to be missing.

As I make myself at home in this tightly packed neighborhood, this place reminds me of the days long ago when neighbors hung out on the steet together talking, building community in the process. I feel fortunate to be a part of this neighborhood and to discover that this place feels right to me even though it doesn't involve large lots offering privacy. Now that I am here surrounded by lots of people, I am discovering that a sense of community is what has been missing in many of the places I've lived.

Almost Spring in Central Park

With my son's school still closed due to storm damage and power outages, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful spring day and head out to Central Park.

With temps in the upper 50's and the day glorious, we decided Spring had officially started, even though it was actually still a few days off.

While the boys played a game which involved batting a Koosh ball between two Frisbees,

getting a huge dose of fresh air after a weekend spent cooped up due to the storm,

I sat on the rocks in the sun, soaking up some well deserved sunshine, snapping lots of pictures.

We were not the only ones taking advantage of this fantastic day!

I am always amazed how quiet it is in the park, despite being located in the heart of such a big city. These trees and many, many others help to buffer the noise of the city from the quiet of the park.

With schools closed again tomorrow and the forecast calling for even warmer temperatures than today, I look forward to spending the day outside again.

Just a few more weeks until the ice rink in the above picture is removed for the season. Goodbye Winter!

In Search of Power, 48 Hours Without it...

The power went out on Saturday, during the height of a huge Nor'easter which brought high winds and rain, causing trees to topple onto power lines. Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, my world went from one filled with phones, computers, and cable TV to a much quieter, less busy place. On Saturday night, my family and I embraced the change and played the board game "Apples to Apples" in the glow of our camping lantern, but by Sunday morning, we were ready to get back to our lives and went in search of power.

Like everyone else in our town, we seemed incapable of going even a day without the conveniences of modern life- our cell phones and laptops. The morning dawned gloomy as we ventured into Starbucks, the need for power pulling at us. My boys and I plugged into power strips and essentially plugged ourselves back into a life I didn't really realize had such a pull on us.

While the storm had stripped us of lights and heat and the ability to cook, the thing I missed most was the communication factor. I hated that being without power made it impossible to communicate with the outside world or hear what was going in the world beyond my neighborhood.

Lucky for us, we were able to make contact by hanging out at Starbucks and for awhile, that was enough, but slowly the fact we didn't have hot water, heat, or the ability to cook began to wear on us. With our house dark and cold, the only thing I could think of to do at home was wrap up in a down blanket and read and that didn't seem appealing at all. Most days I would give anything to sit around and read all day, but the forced nature of it, made it feel more like a chore. So I sat around at the library and the coffee shop and swapped storm stories with everyone else held captive by the lack of electricity.

Everyone had a story. One couple I talked to spent Saturday night with strangers because they couldn't get home. Trapped in both directions by fallen trees, they banged on the doors of houses until someone was kind enough to put them up for the night. Another family had gone out for dinner on Saturday night and had to stay in a hotel because trees blocked their route. We all wondered when the power would come back on and when the kids would head back to school. The coffee shop became like a local community center, everyone sharing what the storm had brought their way.

My husband and I's story was that we had spent all Saturday night and into Sunday morning monitoring our basement and making sure we didn't take on water. With the sump pump not able to work due to the power outage, we watched as the water crept higher and higher and began to seep along the outside wall of the basement. In preparation for what we were sure was to come, we moved many of our things to higher ground. With no room left to spare, the water stopped rising.

.

While we all had different stories regarding the storm's impact, we shared one thing in common, a desire to get things back to normal. Seeking out power seemed to be the one thing that could bring us all back to our comfort zone. Looking for ways to recreate the lifestyle we had temporarily lost.

My family and I spent last night watching a movie on my son's laptop. Another family I heard of sat in their car and watched a movie on their car DVD. Everyone in search of some semblance of normal. Nobody looking to become like those families in the olden days gathered around the fireplace telling stories while the women knit and the men sharpened their tools. In a way, it made me sorry that we have all moved away from that place of long ago and embraced what modern technology has brought our way. It made me sad to notice how much I crave what power brings my way, especially when I try my best to bring slower modes of entertainment into my life.

I guess what I most want is choice and balance. To be able to hop on the computer when need be or read a book when I want to. To balance the busy parts of my life with the slow parts. Fast and slow, ebb and flow. This experience has caused me to discover that I hate being restricted from spending my time the way I would like to. When I am in the mood to sit quietly and think, being able to do exactly that sounds good. But don't make me spend time sitting and thinking because it is my only option.

The power came back on a few hours ago, shocking my son and I into action as we sat talking about all of the things we could be doing if the power was on. It was almost like the gods were listening and said, "OK, fine, go do those things you want to do". We each rushed off in different directions, me to load my storm pictures onto my computer and he to play a video game. Later, I will rush out to the store to pick up some things to cook for dinner and take a hot shower.

Did this experience teach me to be more prepared for the next storm? To purchase a generator to run at full tilt, drowning out the chorus of spring birds with its thundering rumble, as it sends the drug of power my way? Nope. I enjoyed being forced into the coffee shop, enjoying the camaraderie of others dealing with the same situation as I. The companionship found as I sat elbow to elbow with others, charging up our phones and laptops was reassuring. Finding common ground with others and discovering we are all basically looking for many of the same things in life. Hot coffee, power and a good story to share or listen to.