It Takes a Village...

It takes a village to raise a child I believe. Children are not shaped by their parents alone, but by the community they are a part of. Peers, adult mentors, homeschool facilitators, and many others all play a part in raising and impacting the lives of the young people in their midst.

This afternoon, I witnessed the beauty of my son's homeschool community come together to celebrate the time spent together during the course of this last year before breaking for summer.

Word gifts were exchanged amongst the young people, showing care for one another by writing words of appreciation to each other. My son spent many hours spelling out exactly what he loved about each of his friends that he had spent the last year with, 40 letters in all!

The beautiful lawn in front of the barn was spread with blankets and lawn chairs as each family enjoyed a picnic lunch together.

The young people graduating and going off into the world to take on new challenges were celebrated as the community as a whole sent them off. Tomorrow night they will have a more intimate special celebration in their honor.

People of all ages comprise our community and all are celebrated. Babies, young people, parents, and grandparents. It was so much fun to spend the afternoon discussing the year gone by and what was being planned for the summer.

Home grown music and talent were featured and enjoyed and people from age five to eighteen to adult performed.

A multiple intelligences display was set up inside the barn featuring many different projects worked on by young people this year. Pottery, chess boards, research projects, sculptures etc... were all arranged neatly on tables and viewed.

I feel a huge sense of gratitude to be a part of this homeschool community. To know that not only is my son benefiting from being raised by this village, but that I am benefiting from being a part of it as well.

Celebration!

My pup and I hit the trails at a nearby preserve today, participating in a celebration of sorts. A celebration of the day. Just today, just this moment in time. To notice the blue sky, the trees "speaking" to us in the wind. To feel the cooler temps and fresh air that rolled in overnight, ushering the stale air of the last week out to sea. To just be while embracing the day...today!

Welcome Home!

My current home is not my home but soon I will be home. Almost a lifetime of waiting for this new place that I have no intention of leaving. A settling in soon coming, allowing me the time to figure myself out. Ever since I can remember, my home has been in transition. Moving from place to place, learning along the way. Piece by piece, picking up bits of knowledge to guide me. A collection of experiences.

My home today is filled with the treasures of my journeys. Past gardens dried and pushed into glass jars, seaglass collected along rocky shores, pinecones picked up in memory as tears of loss fell onto them, old treasures scavenged from flea markets as I wondered about their past lives. Books and birdhouses, Indian pottery and children's art adorn the walls. Cloaked in old wool blankets, I am reminded of where I have come from and where I am going. One foot in the past, the other in the future. Michigan to Virginia, Oregon to Massachusetts, Colorado to Georgia, Illinois to New York then Pennsylvania. World's apart each step. World's waiting each step...

Teen Birthday Party Ideas

Items needed: Snow, cold, 35 acres of fields and woods, firewood for a bonfire, and sleds.

My son Ryan spent 6 hours outside this past Sunday night with 20 other teens as they celebrated the birthday of one of their friends. Ryan was told not to bring a present to the party, but to dress warmly instead.

Having never heard of a teen party taking place outdoors, much less on a freezing cold night in January, I didn't know what to expect as I drove Ryan up the long driveway to the farm where the party was taking place. Arriving at the farm, we were met by many other teens dressed warmly and heading out to the barn. Ryan hopped out to join them and as I made my way back down the drive toward home, I wondered if Ryan would end up with frostbite or something after spending so much time outdoors.

At 10pm, I picked Ryan up from the party and soon heard his tales of time spent hiking through the woods in the dark, leaping over streams, star gazing (and even discovering his own constellation), discussions he had which centered around the incredible nature of the universe, and attempts to fill an entire field with snow angels. Wow, I thought! How exciting for Ryan to spend time with his peers, kids aged 14-18, and spend all of it outdoors, reveling in all that nature has to offer.

It made me wonder about birthday parties in general and why we feel we need to entertain kids at Chuck E. Cheese or create special themed parties for them at all. Why not just send them outdoors and let them figure it out. Nature, as Ryan and his friends discovered, is both amazing and entertaining.

Life Happens Outdoors...Our Year in Pictures

January - Mike and Layla, Long Island Sound
February - Ryan cross country skiing in Connecticut
March - Ryan and Jim, Central Park, New York City
April - Ryan, Washington D.C.
May - All of us, Indiana University graduation
June - Ryan with our new puppy Dakota
July - Mike and I celebrating our 25th anniversary, Bar Harbor Maine
August - visiting family in Michigan
September - visiting Jimmy in Indiana
October - Ryan and Dakota at home
November - Ryan and Jimmy at home

December - Ryan and Dakota at home

Three Gifts I Cherish from 2010...

1) A SENSE OF PLACE

For those that know me, they understand how hard it has been for me to move every 2-5 years over the last 25 years whenever my husband received a job transfer. While it has been nice to experience new places and meet new friends over the years, in my heart I have always wanted a place to call home. A place that reminds my husband of his boyhood home of New Hampshire and me of my native Michigan. Surprisingly, Pennsylvania accomplishes that. It has the progressive attitude of the Northeast, the laid back friendly vibe of the Midwest, and the beautiful hardwood forests of both. Unlike anywhere else I have lived since meeting my husband, this place fits me and everything has clicked here for us. Finally...home...

2) AN EDUCATIONAL MODEL THAT WORKS FOR MY SON

After struggling with public schools and all that is broken with that system for 4 years, and then dealing with a radical unschooling group whose members had different personal and educational values than myself, I have finally found the perfect educational fit for my son. Located on 30 acres, my son's "school" offers up experiential natural learning with the freedom he needs, in a group setting with 20 of his peers. My son attends three full days a week which allows ample time outside of school to explore his other interests.
3) STRONGER RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY SIBLINGS

Like many families today I am sure, my siblings and I went our separate ways when we left home. One of my brothers stayed in Michigan while my other brother and sister left for points west, making it tough to spend much time together. This year, my son Ryan and I were able to visit my brother Kirk and that time together went a long way toward renewing our relationship for me. Since that time, we have had the opportunity to talk via phone on a regular basis which I love! My sister and I are also starting to take the time needed to become closer as well and I hope we can get together sometime in the next year.

I have a huge sense of gratitude for everything that has come my way this year and I hope 2010 has brought you some special gifts as well...

Happy Yuletide!

While most trees appear to be dying, having lost their leaves at this time of year, the evergreen tree stands as a symbol of hope as it lives on cloaked in its beautiful green leaves. Carry this symbol of hope inside and decorate it in celebration of the return of the sun. Feast and exchange gifts, sing and dance, the Yuletide is upon us!

Give this Gift to Your Children...

Sometimes all a kid needs is to spend some time outdoors...

To breathe the cool air.
To fly across a frozen pond.
To reflect.To jump into the air.
To search.
To ride across an open field.
To play.
To hike.
To spend time with a friend.

Put "spend time outdoors" on your wish list this holiday season and throughout the coming year and watch what unfolds for your kids....

Putting the Holidays in Their Place

For many years of my adult life, I stressed over the details of Thanksgiving and Christmas, wasting tons of time during November and December working to achieve the perfect holiday. I fretted over where were we going to spend the holidays or who was coming to visit. How would I find the time to write and send cards to friends and family? What would each person on my list want for Christmas and would they even like the gift I sent them? How was I going to get everything done and still find time to enjoy the season?

Rather than discovering how to enjoy the holidays and the time leading up to them, I just wanted to scream Bah Humbug! To do away with all of the needless lighting and spending, giving and general wasteful merriment. To stop everything in order to receive the peace that idle quiet would bring. To not let Thanksgiving and Christmas take over the entire months of November and December...that there were many other days in those months that seemed to be forgotten or wasted in the hustle and bustle of things.

Just before stepping over the ledge into Scroogedom, I figured out a way to celebrate without all the stress and put Thanksgiving and Christmas in their place so to speak. Basically, it involved scaling back holiday preparations, enlisting the help of others, and getting everything done early. Not letting the holidays take over...

Thanksgiving

Scaling Back Holiday Preparations: For Thanksgiving, my family and I decided on a permanent menu that we have every year and we made up a shopping list and production schedule that is replicated each year. From year to year, we make our turkey the same way and use the same sweet potato recipe and every other menu item for that matter. This saves time of planning. On Thanksgiving day, we don't set an elaborate table or use our fine china or silver (we don't have any) and instead set a buffet on the stove top using our pots and pans as serving dishes.

Enlisting the Help of Others: In order to make the day enjoyable for all involved, we are each responsible for a different menu item. For instance, I may handle making the turkey and gravy from start to finish while my son may do the mashed potatoes. If we have invited guests, they take part in the food prep fun as well. Last year when my niece and her mother were visiting, they enjoyed feeling like they played a part in the meal. All the kids at the table especially enjoyed noticing how well their menu item turned out and loved saying things such as "my green beans are wonderful" or "the stuffing is fantastic". After the meal, we all helped clear the table and clean up which made the day enjoyable for all.

Getting Everything Done Early: I shop early in the morning on Thanksgiving week or many days before the holiday when the crowds are sparse. This saves me time and my sanity.

Christmas

Scaling Back Holiday Preparations: Reduce, reduce, reduce! My family and I have reduced the amount of lights hung outside (or skipped it altogether), the decorating done inside, gifts purchased, cards sent, people visiting, parties attended, obligations met. I soon found the enjoyment of Christmas isn't dependent on any of the above but is dependent on the amount of time spent just hanging out and enjoying the company of friends and family in an easy relaxed style. Having coffee in our pajamas easy. Leftovers from the night before easy. We skip wrapping presents and put our gifts in cloth bags. We create wish lists with online links for easy shopping and share them with one another. We just click and we're done, knowing that what we've purchased is appreciated and wanted and won't find its way to the back of the closet or the landfill.

Enlist the Help of Others: All of us take a part in putting on the holiday. Ryan is in charge of the Christmas Village set up and enjoys covering the dining room table with it each year. Mike hauls all of the decorations out of the basement or from the attic. I oversee the card effort and divvy up the list so I don't get stuck doing all of the writing. We all take part in shopping and preparing any food eaten on this holiday and we tackle the meal on Christmas Eve in much the same way we handle Thanksgiving. Anything we don't feel like doing, we don't do. Some years we don't hang lights, some we do. Other years we have a Christmas Eve party, other years we don't. Mostly we just do what feels right to us, not what is expected of us to do the holiday right.

Getting Everything Done Early: While many non-consumerist folks scream against Black Friday, I love it! I enjoy the thrill of finding a deal in order to save money and getting all of my shopping done on this day so that I can free up my calendar for other pursuits. Armed with my list of both needed yearly household items and the Christmas wish lists of my family, I hit the stores early. Most of the crowds head to the big ticket items like TV's and I find myself in empty areas of the stores buying new pillows for the house or shoes for myself at drastically reduced prices. I have now deemed Black Friday my "Buy Everything Day" where I try and buy everything I need for the year to take advantage of the savings offered. In fact, I have decided to keep a running list of things we need at the house to purchase each year on Black Friday and stay away from stores as much of possible the rest of the year.

So, here I sit, at the end of November, just coming off one of the most relaxing Thanksgivings ever. I spent about two hours shopping for food last Tuesday morning and another six making dinner before we ate at 2pm. After dinner we lit a fire and sat by it talking until late in the evening. Spending time with family and savoring the day as it came to a close. Thanksgiving didn't deter me from enjoying the rest of my November as I prepared for it and it is my hope that my Christmas preparations don't take me away from enjoying my December either.

For Thanksgiving and Christmas are each just one day. One day in a cast of hundreds each year. I don't want to waste any of my days in the pursuit of a perfect holiday.

Happy Birthday Little Brother!

Samhain- Halloween's early roots...

I may never look at Halloween quite the same again. Sometimes, just understanding how something got started makes it more authentic for me and that authenticity offers up something more real and meaningful.

Today my UU church celebrated the Gaelic festival of Samhain which influenced our modern day Halloween. Samhain is a celebration of the Celtic New Year which begins on November 1st- a time of year when the harvest is finishing up and winter is beginning. During Samhain, which begins on the night of October 31st, the Gaels believed the border between this world and the otherworld to be at its thinnest, which allowed the dead to reach back through the veil separating them from the living.

During Samhain, bonfires were lit and costumes were donned, much like how we celebrate Halloween today. But Samhain differed from Halloween in that it was also a celebration of those who had passed on and was an opportunity to pay respect to one's ancestors, family members, friends and other loved ones who had died.

Celebrating Samhain in church today, we skipped the bonfire and costume part and headed straight to the remembrance of our family members who had passed on. We were asked to bring a memento of our loved one and place it on an altar during a part of the service that reflected on a Native American story about the sacrifice of Rainbow Crow.

Rainbow Crow sacrificed his beautiful song and feathers to save the animals of the world by bringing the warmth of fire to them when they were freezing due to the cold of winter. Rainbow Crow flew up to the heavens to retrieve fire from the creator and the fire charred his feathers black and ruined his melodic voice, resulting in a huge personal sacrifice as he tried to save those he cared for.

Relating Rainbow Crow's sacrifice to the sacrifices made by our loved ones is where the service took on special meaning for me. My minister talked about how those we loved made many sacrifices in their lifetime and that these sacrifices become sacraments when we learn something from them. When we learn to live our life differently because of what our loved ones taught us through their sacrifices, sacrifices become sacraments.

I lost my brother just over two years ago and he would be celebrating his birthday this week if he were still alive. Even without Samhain, I would feel close to him at this time of year. But with the celebration at church today, as I lay his Michigan State shirt upon the altar, I felt especially close to him. I thought of those lessons he brought to me, sometimes at great personal sacrifice to himself, and made a promise to act on those lessons in his honor.

This new way of seeing Halloween, of being made aware of and celebrating Samhain is what I love about the UU church. It stretches me and teaches me and offers up meaning and authenticity where I least expect it. Halloween and this time of year and how I will celebrate it forever more will be changed.

Hey Erik, Michigan State is having a great year! They are 8-1, lost to Iowa today...but you probably already knew that didn't you? Someone commented that they were Michigan fans when they saw me take your shirt off the altar. Michigan, by the way, is having a terrible year :).

Coming Home...

Fifteen minutes after leaving the last real signs of civilization, I turn into my drive. It has taken a lifetime to get here...East Coast, West Coast and everywhere in between. Rainy Pacific coastlines, dry high Rocky Mountains, flat Midwestern prairies, the humid forests of the Southeast and big cities of the Northeast. Having lived in many, many places I know this much...that I can make a home anywhere. But coming home, finding home, is different. It requires finding a place that takes you back to your childhood roots yet also reminds you of all those life experiences found along the way. Home then is a collection of meaningful experiences. For those that have never left their childhood home or who have come into home early in their lives, those special experiences are found in one place. But for those like myself who have lived all over, parts of home are found everywhere.

The road out front, with its canopy of trees overhanging, reminds me of my native Michigan. Pumpkins and scarecrows, hay bales and haunted houses dot the roadsides. Sports fans gathering in local pubs and stadiums, rooting for their local teams. Casual dress while out and about and time for talking with one another, both neighbor and stranger. Close friends and family nearby. This is part of the fabric of this new place I live in and also what I came from.

My life experiences took me to Oregon and Colorado where I got to enjoy the beauty of coastlines and mountains. I found community in a UU church in Georgia and through homeschooled friends in Illinois. I discovered the excitement of living near big cities while living near Washington DC and New York City. All of these experiences came together to ultimately impact who I am and what I look for in home. Those parts are here too. The beauty found in the local preserves and state parks, the community in my new found UU church, the "school" based in free learning my son currently attends. The access to the big cities of the Northeast.

This new place I live in has all of the required ingredients...reminders of my childhood and those places I have enjoyed along the way.

Dare I say I'm home?

As I gaze out into my backyard each morning drinking coffee, I feel a long forgotten peacefulness, something settling over me, reminding me of what I lost long ago and have been looking for ever since.

Home.

Indiana University Graduation

Where did the time go? Seems just yesterday my son Jimmy was graduating from high school...and now it is college...

Here are my guys...Ryan, Jim and Mike. We all had a great time during our visit to Bloomington. I will post more pictures from my trip as soon as I can.

Layla, April 20th, 1999- April 11th, 2010...we will miss her...

New Year's Day Labyrinth Walk

Snow overnight made it difficult to find and negotiate a labyrinth in the woods located a fair distance from my house. Had the snow been any deeper, we would have missed discovering the labyrinth for sure. I suppose this experience could be seen as a metaphor for life. Life's path is hard to see and can be difficult even to find. But press on, knowing you are on the right path. Don't force things- savor the journey- and life will unfold as it should.

I suppose this is a good lesson for me to heed. As the New Year dawns, and our time remaining here in NYC becomes shorter, I am anxious to know where we will be moving next and wonder what opportunities are waiting for me in the new location. I need to remind myself to slow down and appreciate each day between now and then. Very difficult to do when living in limbo...

Simple memories...Christmas tree ornaments

Every year, as I drag my ornaments up from the basement and open the box they have rested in untouched for almost a year, I am reunited with the memories they have held for me. The heart shaped ceramic ornament given to me by my mother-in-law the Christmas before my husband and I married.

The gingerbread man wooden cut out from '87 with my then 1 year old son's name written in marker, purchased by my grandparents who are no longer with us at a Senior Center craft bazaar.

The "Baby's First" Beatrice Potter ceramic ornament given to me by my mother the year my first son was born. A dough ornament made by me of my son's small hand print.

The ornaments made by my children when they were in preschool and kindergarten.

A glass ornament given to me recently by my 93 year old great aunt. This ornament hung on her tree for many, many years and I hope to continue the tradition by keeping it safely on my tree until I hand it down myself.

The green and white glass MSU (Michigan State University) bulb that hung on my brother's tree until he recently passed. A lifelong lover of Michigan State athletics, this bulb given to me last Christmas by my mother, reminds me of all the joy my brother felt while attending MSU sporting events.

Along with these ornaments are those of places my family and I have both visited and lived, people we have known and other important events worth remembering. The whole collection, dangling from the branches of our Christmas tree and gazed at during the evening with the lights all aglow, emanates the warmth of love.